Bush DNA Cleansed from White House
WASHINGTON, DC — No sooner had he been sworn into office than President Barack Obama ordered his staff to remove all traces of his predecessor George W. Bush’s DNA from every room of the White House.
Month: 16 years ago
Ted Haggard to Start Youth Camp for Sexy Boys
COLORADO SPRINGS — Disgraced minister Ted Haggard will be establishing a youth camp for good-looking teen boys. A press release issued from Haggard’s bedroom touts the camp as a “place for handsome teenage males to explore their attractiveness and bond with other like-bodied boys and an older man.”
Bush Seeks New Country to Bungle
CRAWFORD — Having recently traded in his White House address for a suburban home in this quiet Texas community, former President George Bush has expressed his desire to reenter public life by becoming the leader of some other yet-to-be-determined country.
New Chrysler Model Powered by Prayer
DETROIT / LAKE FOREST, CA — Struggling to emerge from its financial woes, automobile manufacturer Chrysler LLC, in partnership with pastor Rick Warren, has introduced a new model called the Jesus Chrysler. This alternative energy vehicle forgoes the conventional gasoline engine, running instead on “faith and prayer.”
Donald Trump to Purchase Hanoi Hilton
HANOI, VIETNAM — Donald Trump has made an offer to purchase the “Hanoi Hilton,” the infamous Vietnamese prison where John McCain spent five years as a POW, and turn it into high-rise, luxury resort.
Obama Invites Snipers to Inauguration
WASHINGTON — Keeping with his message of inclusion, President-elect Barack Obama has invited a group of thirteen snipers from around the country to attend his inauguration.
Obama Says Sale of Virginity Good for Economy
WASHINGTON — Citing his campaign theme that good ideas can come from anywhere, President-elect Barack Obama praised coed Natalie Dylan for auctioning off her virginity to pay her college tuition. He said the 22-year’-old’s plan will be a model for his administration’s education and economic policies.
Who would you pick to be with if stranded on an island?
“Daisy Duck. First, she is a duck so she floats as needed in the seas surrounding our isolation. Secondly, she is damn cute with her polka dot bow in the feathers of her head. Thirdly — and most importantly — I love the taste of duck and wouldn’t hesitate to eat her when I became hungry.”
— Aesop Mythos,
Sivros, Ionia Islands of Greece
Israel Surrenders; Agrees to Vacate Holy Land by End of Month
TEL AVIV — An unexpected resolution to the conflict in the Middle East occurred over the weekend as Israeli leaders agreed it was time to pack up and move on.
Palestinians Prepare for Moon Launch
Combining its fleet of homemade rocket-launchers with Iranian missile technology, the Hamas Space Agency (HASA) announced today it has begun the countdown for its first mission to the moon.
