NEW YORK — Descendants of legendary scammer Charles Ponzi (1882-1949) sued Bernard Madoff today for infringing on the rights to their patriarch’s proprietary system of bilking money from innocent investors.
Year: 2009
Jews Demote Madoff to Arab
Once a highly-ranked, card-carrying Jew, Bernard Madoff, the mastermind behind the largest financial scam in history, has been reduced in rank to Arab.
Circuit City Sells Last of Broken Shit for 50% Off
HARDENBERG, KS — Circuit City has sold the last of its broken shit at amazing discounts of up to 50%. The electronics retailer is being liquidated after declaring bankruptcy last year.
Republicans File Bankruptcy in Court of Ideas
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican National Committee filed for bankruptcy today in the U.S. Court of Ideas, citing decades of doctrines that don’t work and an inability to generate new thoughts and workable models for society.
Obama Wants Citizens to Print their Own Money
DENVER — The way out of the country’s economic woes is to let citizens print their own money, said President Barack Obama to a cheering crowd of unemployed construction workers in the Mile High City.
Republican Senators Approve Tax Breaks for Canadians
OTTAWA — Dissatisfied with the stimulus package that made its way through Congress, and the lack of conservative input contained therein, Republican senators voted unanimously over the weekend to give tax breaks to Canadians.
For the Record 001
In a recent photograph appearing in TheSkunk.org, the subject taking a hit from a bong was misidentified as “Stone Phillips,” instead of “a stoned Phelps.”
Vietnamese Judge Eats Champion Dog
NEW YORK – A Vietnamese judge for the 2009 Westminster Kennel Club ate the “Best in Show” winner, a beautiful brunette Sussex Spaniel named Stump.
Phelps Scores Endorsement Deal with Bong Manufacturer
HUMBOLDT COUNTY, CA — Gold Medalist Michael Phelps has signed a three-year endorsement agreement with Toke-Rite Industries, the world’s largest manufacturer of bongs and other marijuana paraphernalia.
US Airways Sues Sullenberger for Loss of Plane
DANVILLE, CA — Captain Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger, the airline pilot praised as a hero for safely landing Flight 1549 into the Hudson River, is being sued by US Airways for damaging the plane, an Airbus 320, beyond repair.
