Moviegoer Unwilling to Suspend His Disbelief
SAN DIEGO — Collin McArthur has never enjoyed going to a movie because he finds the characters and stories on the screen completely unbelievable, calling the whole experience “just a big waste of time.”
Culture
Tito Jackson Seeks to Replace Brother as 'King of Pop'
LOS ANGELES — Tito Jackson declared himself the new King of Pop today, promising to fill the void in fans’ hearts left by the death of his superstar younger brother.
Diahann Carroll and Leslie Uggams Slighted in Jackson Will
HOLLYWOOD — Performers Diahann Carroll and Leslie Uggams expressed their indignation today at being excluded from Michael Jackson’s will.
Jackson's Black Body Also Found Dead
LOS ANGELES — In a sad turn of events, the black body of Michael Jackson was found dead Wednesday, less than a week after his white one departed.
Madoff Looks Forward to Life After Prison
NEW YORK — Convicted financier Bernie Madoff, sentenced to 150 years for perpetrating the largest financial scam in history, remains optimistic about life after prison.
Bits of Plastic Found in Backyard May Be from Target
A Montana couple found bits of broken plastic buried on their property that appear to have been parts of disposal forks and knives from a retail Target store.
Shlockheads Mourn Loss of Pitchman Billy Mays
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Cases of OxiClean and the Handy Switch have been flying off the shelves in cities around the world, as distraught fans of the late Billy Mays try to hold onto a little bit of the departed pitchman’s magic.
Plans Intact for Michael Jackson to Appear in Concert
LONDON – Faced with the possibility of refunding $85 million in tickets sales, promoters for the concert series that Michael Jackson was preparing for at the time of his death have decided to honor the 750,000 pre-sold tickets and move forward with the shows.
Ayatollah Accused of Rigging 'Iranian Idol' Contest
TEHRAN — Iranian Grand Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Khamenei has been accused of rigging the results of the popular TV competition “Iranian Idol.”
Pope Gives Bible a Second Look and Says It Makes No Sense
VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict XVI recently re-read the Bible and came to the conclusion that it made no sense. In a recent press conference, the Pontiff told reporters he decided to read the Holy Scriptures merely for pleasure, and was taken aback by “how confusing and illogical it is.”
