Haitians Eagerly Await Arrival of iPads
CUPERTINO, CA — CEO Steve Jobs announced today that Apple will ship ten million iPads to Haiti to aid the disaster-stricken country.
International
Americans Turn to Haiti for Medical Care
To stay alive, Arlindi knew he would have to travel to the devastated third-world country.
Osama bin Laden Seeks New Cinematographer
CAVE SOMEWHERE — Fresh off the release of his first promotional audio tape in over six months, terrorist Chief Osama Bin Laden is now shaking up his video production department.
GOP Opposes 'Public Option' for Haitians
WASHINGTON — Republican lawmakers today strongly condemned President Obama’s use of government money to provide medical aid to Haitian earthquake victims.
Haiti to Replace Missionaries with Jews
Haitians are asking the world to stop sending missionaries to their devastated country, and send Jews instead.
Haitians Despondent over Simon Cowell Departure from ‘Idol’
“I can’t believe he’s leaving us,” said Jean Leponte, who waded through the knee-high debris of his collapsed mud-and-stick hut, searching for his 14-year-old daughter and handmade Susan Boyle coffee mug. “The show will never be the same without his blunt brand of in-your-face honesty.”
Americans Flee to Guatemala to Escape Bleak Job Market
GUATEMALA CITY — John Wilson holds a PhD in physics and has worked in the aerospace industry for over thirty years. Today he is selling cheese-stuffed pupusas — a native Guatemalan delicacy — from the back of a burro-driven wagon.
China Prohibits Anonymous Internet Posts
BEIJING — China has passed a law prohibiting its citizens from using fictitious names when posting comments on Internet news sites and blogs, according to Communications Minster Cheng Ho.
Ahmadinejad Gets Key Endorsement from Himself
Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad formally endorsed himself for a second term as president Monday in a ceremony that sought to quell discontent among Iranians, by declaring himself a worthy leader.
Termites Devour Dutch Shoe Factory; Fraud Suspected
NETHERLANDS — An invasion of termites that completely devoured the inventory of the Clicken Cläcken Wooden Shoe Factory in Amsterdam is being investigated as a criminal act.
