NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Tempers rose and tea bags flew everywhere at the first national Tea Party conference, as attendees became embroiled in a bitter dipute over the specific type of beverage referred to in their their group’s moniker.
NAGOYA/DETROIT — Toyota announced today is has identified a defect in the design of its cup holders as the source of acceleration problems associated with its popular Corolla, Camry, Tundra, Avalon and RAV4 models.
Bank doesn’t know why it keeps getting held-up
CUPERTINO, CA — CEO Steve Jobs announced today that Apple will ship ten million iPads to Haiti to aid the disaster-stricken country.
To stay alive, Arlindi knew he would have to travel to the devastated third-world country.
“Yeah, and so is my old man’s dead brother — not the one who died of natural causes, I mean the other one, the one I call ‘Uncle Evidence.'”
— Vinnie “Lead Pipe” Traxell,
Inmate #4566-A43,
NJ Federal Corrections Facility
“I am not a racist,” he asserted, “just because I said I was a ‘racist’ – just because that was the word I used — doesn’t make me one, and I am not going to stand by in silence, as these injurious, defamatory comments sling freely from my unbridled mouth.”
An article on comedy website TheSkunk.org, “Jews Demote Madoff to Arab”, was honored as the second best satire news story of 2009 by an expert panel of journalists and humor writers in the Fifth Annual HumorFeed Satire News Awards.
CAVE SOMEWHERE — Fresh off the release of his first promotional audio tape in over six months, terrorist Chief Osama Bin Laden is now shaking up his video production department.
Kellogg’s has recalled two-million cases of Frosted Flakes after an eight-year-old child discovered a toy car hidden inside the cereal.
Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
Disneyland to Remove Matterhorn, Replace with Tilt-A-Whirl 
Abortions Allowed in Texas if Trump is the Father 
