Super Bowl Delayed to Give Fan Time to Purchase TV
Superbowl XLIV has been delayed indefinitely today, to give dock worker Harry Archburn enough time to purchase his first HD television set, return home and install it in time for the big game.
Tea Party Divided Over Brewed or Steeped
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Tempers rose and tea bags flew everywhere at the first national Tea Party conference, as attendees became embroiled in a bitter dipute over the specific type of beverage referred to in their their group’s moniker.
Toyota Blames Acceleration Problem on Faulty Cup Holders
NAGOYA/DETROIT — Toyota announced today is has identified a defect in the design of its cup holders as the source of acceleration problems associated with its popular Corolla, Camry, Tundra, Avalon and RAV4 models.
Haitians Eagerly Await Arrival of iPads
CUPERTINO, CA — CEO Steve Jobs announced today that Apple will ship ten million iPads to Haiti to aid the disaster-stricken country.
Americans Turn to Haiti for Medical Care
To stay alive, Arlindi knew he would have to travel to the devastated third-world country.
Are the Republicans making a comeback?
“Yeah, and so is my old man’s dead brother — not the one who died of natural causes, I mean the other one, the one I call ‘Uncle Evidence.'”
— Vinnie “Lead Pipe” Traxell,
Inmate #4566-A43,
NJ Federal Corrections Facility
Racist Councilman Sues Himself for Slander
“I am not a racist,” he asserted, “just because I said I was a ‘racist’ – just because that was the word I used — doesn’t make me one, and I am not going to stand by in silence, as these injurious, defamatory comments sling freely from my unbridled mouth.”
The Skunk Squeaks to 2nd Place in Annual Humorfeed Satire Awards
An article on comedy website TheSkunk.org, “Jews Demote Madoff to Arab”, was honored as the second best satire news story of 2009 by an expert panel of journalists and humor writers in the Fifth Annual HumorFeed Satire News Awards.
