LOS ANGELES — The Writers Guild of America, the collective bargaining organization for professional Hollywood screen and television writers, has published a list of three of its members who will be euthanized for crossing picket lines during the 2007 strike.
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ANCHORAGE — Sniglet Palin, three-year-old daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, is scheduled to be thrown into Mt. Redoubt, a 10,197-foot active volcano 103 miles west of Anchorage, to please the fire gods.
SALEM, OR – NFL expansion team, the “Fighting Bulldogs” – who have been struggling every season to fill their stadium — have signed a two-year, $500 million dollar deal with disgraced quarterback Michael Vick, the former football star who served 19 months in federal prison for his conviction on running a dogfighting ring.
BUTTE, MO — Due to a loophole in the federal “Cash for Clunkers” program, local dentist Halman Johnson was able to bring his wife of twenty-two years into the local Ford dealership and walk away with $4500 cash and a 2010 Escort Cabriolet hybrid.
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Katie Holmes has been cast in the role of Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise’s first wife, in a biographical motion picture about the life of the leading man.
Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad formally endorsed himself for a second term as president Monday in a ceremony that sought to quell discontent among Iranians, by declaring himself a worthy leader.
WASHINGTON — The month of July saw an increase in single-family home sales nationwide by a total of 11. The 11 homes were sold in California, New Mexico, New Jersey, and Guam.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — North Korea is preparing to launch a missile armed with Tinker Toys and red Legos, according to the U.S. State Department.
CHICAGO — Results of a study conducted by the Journal of American Research suggest that old men have a shorter life expectancy than that of their younger counterparts.
Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
Disneyland to Remove Matterhorn, Replace with Tilt-A-Whirl 
Abortions Allowed in Texas if Trump is the Father 
