December 22, 2024

Obama Says Sale of Virginity Good for Economy

WASHINGTON — Citing his campaign theme that good ideas can come from anywhere, President-elect Barack Obama praised coed Natalie Dylan for auctioning off her virginity to pay her college tuition. He said the 22-year’-old’s plan will be a model for his administration’s education and economic policies.

Who would you pick to be with if stranded on an island?

“Daisy Duck. First, she is a duck so she floats as needed in the seas surrounding our isolation. Secondly, she is damn cute with her polka dot bow in the feathers of her head. Thirdly — and most importantly — I love the taste of duck and wouldn’t hesitate to eat her when I became hungry.”

— Aesop Mythos,
Sivros, Ionia Islands of Greece