DETROIT / LAKE FOREST, CA — Struggling to emerge from its financial woes, automobile manufacturer Chrysler LLC, in partnership with pastor Rick Warren, has introduced a new model called the Jesus Chrysler. This alternative energy vehicle forgoes the conventional gasoline engine, running instead on “faith and prayer.”
HANOI, VIETNAM — Donald Trump has made an offer to purchase the “Hanoi Hilton,” the infamous Vietnamese prison where John McCain spent five years as a POW, and turn it into high-rise, luxury resort.
WASHINGTON — Keeping with his message of inclusion, President-elect Barack Obama has invited a group of thirteen snipers from around the country to attend his inauguration.
WASHINGTON — Citing his campaign theme that good ideas can come from anywhere, President-elect Barack Obama praised coed Natalie Dylan for auctioning off her virginity to pay her college tuition. He said the 22-year’-old’s plan will be a model for his administration’s education and economic policies.
“Daisy Duck. First, she is a duck so she floats as needed in the seas surrounding our isolation. Secondly, she is damn cute with her polka dot bow in the feathers of her head. Thirdly — and most importantly — I love the taste of duck and wouldn’t hesitate to eat her when I became hungry.”
— Aesop Mythos,
Sivros, Ionia Islands of Greece
TEL AVIV — An unexpected resolution to the conflict in the Middle East occurred over the weekend as Israeli leaders agreed it was time to pack up and move on.
Combining its fleet of homemade rocket-launchers with Iranian missile technology, the Hamas Space Agency (HASA) announced today it has begun the countdown for its first mission to the moon.
Satirical website TheSkunk.org honored itself today with a prestigious comedy award. The first annual “Skunkie” was presented to a humor website whose content “extends beyond the edge and over the top of contemporary parody.”
WASHINGTON — The House Financial Services Committee issued a statement today, urging foreign car manufactures to “tone down” the quality and appeal of their products, so that the big three American car companies can compete more effectively.
A local crossing guard claims a perfect image of GM chief executive Rick Wagoner has appeared on his left testicle.
Trump Renames ‘Greenland’ to ‘White Land’ 
Trump to Remove Indigo from Color Spectrum 
Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
