McCain Proposes New ‘Surge’ Strategy to Win War on Women
Senator John McCain today proposed a strategy to send an additional 20,000 Christian extremists into American towns and villages, a plan that would beat back a growing feminist insurgency and enable the nation to be victorious in the GOP-led war against women.
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Florida Passes ‘Kill the Negro’ Law
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Republican Governor Rick Scott today signed legislation that would make it legal to use lethal force against black citizens if they appear threatening, frightening, or just “dark and ominous.”
New Arizona Law Says Life Begins at Fantasy
Arizona lawmakers voted to pass legislation that defines life as beginning the moment a person fantasizes about having sex.
10 Most Restrictive Anti-Woman Laws of 2012
The ten most restrictive anti-woman laws passed by state legislatures in 2012.
Nationwide Theft of Fleet Enemas Sign of Struggling Economy, Mass Constipation
Over the past six months, the iconic green and white, oblong boxes have been reportedly pilfered from hundreds of retailers nationwide.
Virginia Governor Changes State’s Name to ‘Vagina’
“The State of Virginia cares about your vagina,” said McDonnell at a ceremony marking the state’s new moniker, “and that’s we can proudly say we are now all citizens of Vagina, and why I’m so proud to serve as your duly elected Vaginal head.”
Chris Christie Vows to Keep Eating Until He’s ‘Bigger Than Taft’
TRENTON, NJ — Governor Chris Christie responded today to criticism of his obesity by announcing plans to continue expanding his waistline until he is “bigger and heavier than that fat fuck William Taft.”
House Changes U.S. Motto to ‘Buyer Beware’
WASHINGTON –The House voted along party lines today to pass a GOP resolution changing the motto of the United States to “Buyer Beware.”
Infamous Pubic Hair from 1991 Clarence Thomas Confirmation Hearings on Display at Smithsonian
The infamous pubic hair that almost derailed Justice Clarence Thomas’s Senate confirmation is on display at the Smithsonian.
Obama Uses Reverse Psychology to Pass Jobs Bill
WASHINGTON — After three years of having congressional Republicans do the opposite of whatever he attempted, President Obama decided to use reverse psychology on the GOP to get them to move forward with his agenda.
Herman Cain Proposes Running Country Only During Business Hours
In order to operate the United States in a more efficient manner, Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain today proposed new business hours for the country.
House Tea Party Members Confused Over what just Happened
The passage of the debt-ceiling compromise bill has left Tea Party congressional members wondering what they voted for.
Bus Accident Causes Damage to Bus
FLAXEN, MO (TheSkunk.org) — A school bus accident that killed 23 people caused major damages to the bus, which will take at least six weeks to put back into working order.
America’s Visa Gold Card Cancelled
Visa Gold Rewards Card informed the U.S. government that it is $17 billion over its credit limit and charge privileges have been terminated.
Bachmann Confuses George Washington Carver with George Washington
Rep. Michelle Bachmann said our nation’s first president should be praised for his experimentation with peanuts and their by-products.
Trump to Weiner: ‘Show Us Your Real Penis’
NEW YORK (TheSkunk.org) — Donald Trump asserted today that a photograph supposedly depicting Rep. Anthony Weiner’s erect manhood that has been circulating on Internet is not legitimate.
Ghost of bin Laden Haunts Jersey Family
HIGGINSVILLE, NJ (TheSkunk.org) — The ghost of terrorist Osama bin Laden has taken up residence in the home of James Armer, where it has attempted to terrorize the entire family with an assortment of mischievous tricks.
Gingrich to Marry bin Laden Wife No. 7
Newt Gingrich has announced plans to marry the seventh wife of slain terrorist Osama bin Laden, 19-year-old Durriya Habou bin Laden.
Trump Claims He’s Killed More Terrorists than Obama
Donald Trump told reporters Monday that he is “very proud and honored” to have killed many more terrorists than the President.
Boehner Assures Public His Taxes Won’t Go Up
John Boehner assured the American people that whatever version of the budget is finally passed, his personal taxes will not increase.
Gingrich Paid for Anal Bleachings with Government Funds
Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich paid for multiple anal bleachings during his tenure in Congress using money from his office’s general fund.
How much did he spend?
Michele Bachmann Opposes No-Fly Zone in Favor of No-Mosquito Zone
Michele Bachmann told reports she wants to repeal the no-fly zone over Libya and replace it with something else.
Republicans Reject No-Lie Zone
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Opposing efforts by Democrats in Congress to pass a no-lie zone over the nation’s capital, Republican lawmakers say they will defeat any legislation requiring honest discourse and veracity from elected officials.
Everyone in Loan Business Going to Prison
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — The U.S. Department of Justice today announced major prosecutorial action against the entire banking industry.
Increase in Contract Killings Sign of Economic Recovery
WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — A new study conducted by the U.S. Department of Commerce shows a connection between an increase in contract killings — so-called “murders for hire” — and the latest upward tick in the economy.
Obama Urges Citizens to Hearken Back to the Obama of 2008
FENTON, IL (TheSkunk.org) — In a commencement address before 300 graduating high school seniors, President Obama urged Americans to recall with fondness the era of his presidential campaign of 2008, which he referred to as “good times for all.”
Obama Sets Timetable for War on Poverty
Declaring that the United States will not commit itself to another unending, unwinnable conflict, President Obama today called for a complete withdrawal from the War on Poverty within 18 months.
Canadian Goose Who Survived Collision with US Airways Flight 1549 Dies in Gulf Spill
A four-year-old Canada goose, who nearly died in a bird strike when his flock was vaporized in the engine of an Airbus A320-214 that crash-landed in the Hudson River in 2009, was found dead of oil poisoning on the Louisiana shoreline.
Arizona to Lower Concrete Boxes over Illegal Immigrants
Arizona lawmakers today enacted legislation giving local police permission to lower thousands of 100-ton containers directly over the heads of suspected illegal immigrants.
