JUNEAU, AK — Former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin had a brief phone conversation with a man she believed was Jesus Christ, who promised to make her president in 2012. The call was later revealed to be a prank.
“The voice sounded like it could easily have been that of our lord and savior,” said Palin. “He said I was chosen to receive his call because of my good old-fashioned, small-town conservative values.”
The caller proceeded to tell Palin that he would make sure she won the 2012 election, “even if it means flooding some cities.” All she had to do was to “rub her breasts, slower, slower” while he was still on the line.
“He took a real interest in me,” said Palin. “He wanted to know what I was wearing and what I was doing right at that moment.”
Palin did what the caller asked, even stripping down to her bra and panties. “But after about five minutes of this,” said Palin, “he hung up. I knew right then and there that it was a prank. Jesus would never hang up on anyone.”