Tell-All Book Trashes William Henry Harrison Administration
A new biography hitting bookstore shelves on Friday paints a dim portrait of President William Henry Harrison.
Skunk Nation
Employment Up for Stupid People
Employment among imbeciles and morons rose 10% in the 2nd quarter of 2009, according to a new report released today by the U.S. Bureau of Statistics.
Goodwill Bans Donations from Man with Bad Taste
OKALHOMA CITY — An information technology consultant was banned for life by Goodwill Industries from donating any more of his “crap.”
Roman Polanski: ‘I Thought She Was 13-and-a-Half’
ZURICH — Director Roman Polanski defended his 1977 rape of a 13-year-old model by expressing his belief that she was 13-and-a-half at the time.
Obama Warns of ‘Axis of Buffoonery’
President Obama today warned the world of the threat posed by leaders Hugo Chavez, Muammar al-Gaddafi and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, whom he referred to as the “Axis of Buffoonery.”
Pie Donations Down at Clown Colleges
Despite the growing demand, donations of cream-filled pies are down 65% at clown colleges across the U.S.
Preschoolers Re-Create 9/11
BOSTON — Using Legos and toy planes, a class of preschoolers re-created the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.
Charlton Heston’s Gun Taken from His ‘Cold, Dead Hands’
GLENDALE, CA — In keeping with the late actor’s wishes, Charlton Heston’s decaying remains were exhumed today, and a vintage 1874 military rifle — made famous in his “cold, dead hands” speech — was removed from his cold, dead hands.
Public Doubts ‘Official’ Account of Kennedy Death
BOSTON — Over 68% of Americans don’t believe the official government story that Senator Edward Kennedy died from a brain tumor, according to a survey released today.
Imaginary Friend ODs on Placebos
Four-year-old Billy Tipton’s best friend — an imaginary owl named Scabooboo — ovedosed last night on an entire make-believe bottle of placebos.
