Explosion at Sugar Refinery Causes Carameltdown
SWEETWATER, TX — An explosion at a major sugar refinery occurred last night, as stunned employees stared on with glazed expressions.
SWEETWATER, TX — An explosion at a major sugar refinery occurred last night, as stunned employees stared on with glazed expressions.
NEW YORK — Fox News executives decided not to report the results of a new study by Fairleigh Dickinson University that concluded Fox viewers are less informed about current events than those who receive their news from other sources — or don’t receive any news at all.
SAN JOSE, CA (TheSkunk.org) — A short-haired calico cat was forced by its owners Thursday to vacuum up its own fur.
“To tear down a whole house just for a few minor repairs doesn’t make any sense. Wouldn’t it be money better spent to fill in the cracks of these otherwise inhabitable homes and give a pathetic street junkie a warm place to stay to do his drug deals?”
— Brittany Headstrong,
Pharmacist,
Manhattan, KS
An underwater explorer with attention deficit disorder discovered a legendary Spanish galleon, but forgot to record its location and can’t remember where he found it.
NASHUA, N.H. (TheSkunk.org) — Presidential hopeful Herman Cain defended the uncomfortable five minutes of silence he took trying to respond to a simple foreign policy question by claiming it was all part of his strategy to pause for five minutes before making any decision.
16-year-old Billy Jones discovers his family’s house is located behind a magical alley inhabited by magical women, all of whom are willing to have sex with him in exchange for money or heroine.
LOS ANGELES — From Oakland to Paris, law enforcement agencies around the world are in a quandary figuring out how to deal with the new “Occupy Earth” movement.
“Michele Bachmann, definitely. I look forward to at least four years of listening to her thoughtful discourse and well-reasoned policy positions. In addition, I feel she will do the most to ensure my future job security.”
— Ben LaDroit
Writer
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart