Filed Under: "2008 election"
Republicans Propose Ayatollah System for U.S.
WASHINGTON, DC — In a speech at a recent Republican fundraiser, former House Speaker New Gingrich proposed that the United States adopt an Iranian-style Ayatollah form of government.
More Articles
Obama Invites Snipers to Inauguration
WASHINGTON — Keeping with his message of inclusion, President-elect Barack Obama has invited a group of thirteen snipers from around the country to attend his inauguration. By request, the snipers will be seated in an undisclosed area, hidden from view of the large crowds expected to fill the National
Obama’s Senate Seat for Sale on eBay
SPRINGFIELD, IL — After the disclosure of Governor Blagojevich’s plan to accept a bribe in exchange for the senate seat vacated by Barack Obama, Ilinois state legislators decided to take the appointing powers out of the hands of the governor. “We weren’t completely against
Racists Disappointed in Election Outcome
SCOURGE, AR — A gathering of racists at a local diner expressed their disappointment at the election of Barack Obama. Mechanic Alden Miremount said he was disillusioned as he watched his dream of an all-white America fade as the nation elected its first black president. “We’ve worked
Biden Tells Supporters Okay to Stay Home
PHILADELPHIA, PA — In the latest rhetorical gaffe for the Democratic vice-presidential candidate, Senator Joe Biden claimed victory for his ticket a full two days before the general elections. “Relax,” said Biden to supporters at a rally in front of Independence Hall, “we’re
‘Plumber Joe’ Replaced by ‘Crack Whore Wanda’
AKRON, OH — In a speech today, Senator McCain alluded to a young prostitute named Wanda he had recently met, who sells her body on street corners and dark alleyways. “Wanda is a working, single mother, and shouldn’t have to pay increased taxes,” said McCain. “I trust
McCain’s Wife to Buy Votes, Spur Economy
NEW YORK, NY — While taping a segment for the TV show, “The View,” John McCain announced a new economic plan, where citizens would be paid one-thousand dollars each to cast their vote for the senator. The money, distributed in newly printed one-hundred
McCain Interviews Writers for Concession Speech
SEDONA, AZ — John McCain is currently seeking writers for his November 4th concession speech. “It’s important to the American people that a concession speech come across as sincere to the voters and contrite to his supporters,” said Senator McCain. “I’ll be selecting from some of
New McCain Strategy: I’m Blacker than Obama
PHILADELPHIA — In a recent television ad, Senator McCain is shown addressing a group of African Americans, telling them that Obama is not half the black man he is. “Let’s not fall into the trap of judging blackness by the color of a man’s
Bush Appoints Self for Third Term
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move unprecedented in any previous administration, President Bush signed an executive order appointing himself president for a third term. Calling the November elections a “distraction from the serious work of the White House,” the president signed on for another
McCain Selects Obama for Running Mate
ARIZONA – In a surprise move early this morning, Sen. John McCain announced that Barack Obama will be his running mate for the 2008 presidential election. “He brings a lot of voters with him,” said McCain. “He’s stronger on the economy than I am,
The Onion Endorses Kucinich
NEW YORK – The normally non-partisan publication “The Onion” has officially endorsed Congressman Dennis Kucinich for president. “I’m not sure where he stands on the issues,” explained Kevin Dumont, an associate editor, “but he’s hands-down the funniest of the candidates. For starters,
Satan Distances Himself from Rev. Wright
In a press release issued yesterday, Satan has distanced himself from Reverend Jeremiah Wright, the contentious Chicago pastor who created a maelstrom of controversy for his former congregant, Senator Barack Obama. Satan
McCain to Highest Court: Annoint Me
John McCain has asked the Supreme Court to intervene in the 2008 presidential elections, by issuing a ruling that would make him the President, effectively ending the hopes and dreams of millions of Americans. “They did it in 2000,” said McCain, “so there’s already precedent for this. I’m
