Pope Says Pedophilia Okay if Priests ‘Pull Out’
VATICAN CITY—Announcing new guidelines on child abuse, Pope Benedict XVI said all priests have been instructed to “pull out” before climaxing.
VATICAN CITY—Announcing new guidelines on child abuse, Pope Benedict XVI said all priests have been instructed to “pull out” before climaxing.
Fans of Walt Disney will now have the opportunity to smoke the very same tobacco that took the life of their beloved hero.
The World’s First Toilet to clean itself — among other things.
WASHINGTON — In an apparent about-face, members of the Republican party are not only embracing the recently passed Health Care reform legislation as their own, but insisting its success stems from two minor provisions GOP leaders insisted be stricken from the bill on a technicality.
“We believe this rule will greatly reduce the amount of oral copulation occurring on the battlefield,” said Gates. “The United States can no longer afford to have our men in uniform mouth-fucking one another in time of war.”
“It’s our Second Amendment right to kill anything we want, at a time and place of our choosing,” said Thomas Crendelly, head of Gun Owners Against Laws Against Killing. “It’s time for gun owners to stand up and kill something without interference from politicians.”
“They should consider it an internship,” said Bunning. “They will learn the inner workings of my life — where I keep the toilet paper, for instance, and how I clip my toenails — while gaining valuable, real-world job experience.”
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Unwilling to part with an event that has brought global recognition to their city, Vancouver authorities have declared they will be extending the 2010 Winter Olympics for another three years.
A Toyota Camry sprouted wings and flew uncontrollably from a highway in Massachusetts into the 61st floor of the Empire State Building over the weekend.
BENTONVILLE, AR – Desiring to showcase its commitment to diversity, Wal-Mart is looking to hire a Jew in one of its 4200 stores nationwide.
“We are reaching out to the Jewish community,” Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke told reporters. “We want to let Jews know they have a home here.”