Trump Renames ‘Greenland’ to ‘White Land’ 
Trump to Remove Indigo from Color Spectrum 
Trump Musk 
Trump to Bring Soviet-Era Bread Lines to U.S. 
Jackie Kennedy Attemps Shoe Retrieval 
Bits of Plastic Found in Backyard May Be from Target
A Montana couple found bits of broken plastic buried on their property that appear to have been parts of disposal forks and knives from a retail Target store.
Shlockheads Mourn Loss of Pitchman Billy Mays
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Cases of OxiClean and the Handy Switch have been flying off the shelves in cities around the world, as distraught fans of the late Billy Mays try to hold onto a little bit of the departed pitchman’s magic.
Plans Intact for Michael Jackson to Appear in Concert
LONDON – Faced with the possibility of refunding $85 million in tickets sales, promoters for the concert series that Michael Jackson was preparing for at the time of his death have decided to honor the 750,000 pre-sold tickets and move forward with the shows.
Ayatollah Accused of Rigging 'Iranian Idol' Contest
TEHRAN — Iranian Grand Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Khamenei has been accused of rigging the results of the popular TV competition “Iranian Idol.”
GOP Removes ‘Family Values’ from Platform
WASHINGTON, DC — The Republican National Committee announced today it will be removing the much-hyped “Family Values” agenda from its platform.
Steve Jobs Downloads Liver Update
Apple CEO Steven Jobs has received an update to his liver to correct serious vulnerabilities detected in the previous version.
Obama Kills Elk with Bare Hands
YELLOWSTONE — The response to President Obama’s swatting of a fly with his open palm during an NBC interview was so overwhelming, it prompted him to seek out other animals to kill with his bare hands.
GOP Elephant Switches Parties
BALTIMORE — On the heels of Senator Arlen Specter’s jump to the Democratic Party, the GOP Elephant — longtime mascot of the Republicans — has announced he, too, is switching political affiliations.
Republicans Propose Ayatollah System for U.S.
WASHINGTON, DC — In a speech at a recent Republican fundraiser, former House Speaker New Gingrich proposed that the United States adopt an Iranian-style Ayatollah form of government.
Pope Gives Bible a Second Look and Says It Makes No Sense
VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict XVI recently re-read the Bible and came to the conclusion that it made no sense. In a recent press conference, the Pontiff told reporters he decided to read the Holy Scriptures merely for pleasure, and was taken aback by “how confusing and illogical it is.”
