Kanye West hired by Republicans to heckle President
WASHINGTON — The Republican National Committee has hired Kanye West to interrupt President Obama’s speeches on healthcare, according to RNC Chairman Michael Steele.
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Budweiser Hires Congressman Wilson for ‘Rudest Man’ Commercials
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC), who shot to fame by hollering “You lie!” during President Obama’s speech on healthcare, has been tapped to appear in a series of Budweiser commercials as the “Rudest Man in America.”
Palin Baby to Be Sacrificed to Volcano Gods
ANCHORAGE — Sniglet Palin, three-year-old daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, is scheduled to be thrown into Mt. Redoubt, a 10,197-foot active volcano 103 miles west of Anchorage, to please the fire gods.
Obama Regrets Use of Term ‘Douche Bag’ in Reference to Elderly Crosssing Guard
WASHINGTON, DC — In an interview on Face the Nation, President Obama regretted using the term “douche bag” when referring to a local 80-year-old crossing guard.
Obama to Send Former President Bush to World's Hot Spots
WASHINGTON, DC — In an apparent sign of reconciliation with his predecessor, President Obama said today he will be sending former president George W. Bush on peace missions to some of the most dangerous parts of the world.
Obama Kills Elk with Bare Hands
YELLOWSTONE — The response to President Obama’s swatting of a fly with his open palm during an NBC interview was so overwhelming, it prompted him to seek out other animals to kill with his bare hands.
Guantanamo Detainee New CEO of Chrysler
DETROIT/GUANTANAMO BAY — Terrorist Abdullah Reza Mafabi, imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay for conspiring with Al Qaeda, is now the number-one man at Chrysler.
CDC: Swine Flu Victims Are Mainly Pigs
ATLANTA — Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control have found that 99.9% of the victims of the H1N1 influenza virus, commonly known as the “Swine Flu,” are pigs.
Waterboarding Survival Classes Cancelled by Al-Qaeda
AFGHAN-PAKISTANI BORDER — Al-Qaida anounced on Monday it will be terminating its Waterboarding Survival course, which has been offered to its members since 9/11.
Obama Approves Sandwich-Boarding
WASHINGTON — President Barack Obama issued an Executive Order today approving the use of “Sandwich Boarding” to extract information from suspected terrorists.
