April 28, 2024

obama

White House Touts Double-Digit Employment

February 2, 2009

WASHINGTON, DC — A new report from the White House indicates that 93% of Americans currently have jobs, superseding previous accounts from the Bureau of Labor Statistics that 7% were out of work.

Bush DNA Cleansed from White House

January 31, 2009

WASHINGTON, DC — No sooner had he been sworn into office than President Barack Obama ordered his staff to remove all traces of his predecessor George W. Bush’s DNA from every room of the White House.

Obama Says Sale of Virginity Good for Economy

January 14, 2009

WASHINGTON — Citing his campaign theme that good ideas can come from anywhere, President-elect Barack Obama praised coed Natalie Dylan for auctioning off her virginity to pay her college tuition. He said the 22-year’-old’s plan will be a model for his administration’s education and economic policies.

'Plumber Joe' Replaced by 'Crack Whore Wanda'

October 16, 2008

AKRON, OH — In a speech today, Senator McCain alluded to a young prostitute named Wanda he had recently met, who sells her body on street corners and dark alleyways. “Wanda is a working, single mother, and shouldn’t have to pay increased taxes,” said McCain. “I trust her to do a better job with her own money than the government, but under Senator Obama’s tax policies, she wouldn’t have enough cash to pay her rent, compensate her pimp and purchase a supply of clean needles. “

Obama’s Pastor Damns Local Teacher

May 31, 2008

As a follow-up to his widely viewed performance on YouTube, where he instructed God to “Damn America,” Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Senator Obama’s controversial former pastor, is now seeking damnation of specific places within the United States.