NEW YORK – A Vietnamese judge for the 2009 Westminster Kennel Club ate the “Best in Show” winner, a beautiful brunette Sussex Spaniel named Stump.
Author: Braddon Mendelson
Phelps Scores Endorsement Deal with Bong Manufacturer
HUMBOLDT COUNTY, CA — Gold Medalist Michael Phelps has signed a three-year endorsement agreement with Toke-Rite Industries, the world’s largest manufacturer of bongs and other marijuana paraphernalia.
US Airways Sues Sullenberger for Loss of Plane
DANVILLE, CA — Captain Chelsey “Sully” Sullenberger, the airline pilot praised as a hero for safely landing Flight 1549 into the Hudson River, is being sued by US Airways for damaging the plane, an Airbus 320, beyond repair.
Two of Mom's Octuplets are Alligators
WHITTIER, CA –Two of the eight babies born to the California “Octuplet Mom” have turned out to be alligators. The twin reptiles, 12 inches long, are said to be doing well.
White House Touts Double-Digit Employment
WASHINGTON, DC — A new report from the White House indicates that 93% of Americans currently have jobs, superseding previous accounts from the Bureau of Labor Statistics that 7% were out of work.
Bush DNA Cleansed from White House
WASHINGTON, DC — No sooner had he been sworn into office than President Barack Obama ordered his staff to remove all traces of his predecessor George W. Bush’s DNA from every room of the White House.
Ted Haggard to Start Youth Camp for Sexy Boys
COLORADO SPRINGS — Disgraced minister Ted Haggard will be establishing a youth camp for good-looking teen boys. A press release issued from Haggard’s bedroom touts the camp as a “place for handsome teenage males to explore their attractiveness and bond with other like-bodied boys and an older man.”
Bush Seeks New Country to Bungle
CRAWFORD — Having recently traded in his White House address for a suburban home in this quiet Texas community, former President George Bush has expressed his desire to reenter public life by becoming the leader of some other yet-to-be-determined country.
New Chrysler Model Powered by Prayer
DETROIT / LAKE FOREST, CA — Struggling to emerge from its financial woes, automobile manufacturer Chrysler LLC, in partnership with pastor Rick Warren, has introduced a new model called the Jesus Chrysler. This alternative energy vehicle forgoes the conventional gasoline engine, running instead on “faith and prayer.”
