Filed Under: "Election 2008"
Racists Disappointed in Election Outcome
SCOURGE, AR — A gathering of racists at a local diner expressed their disappointment at the election of Barack Obama. Mechanic Alden Miremount said he was disillusioned as he watched his dream of an all-white America fade as the nation elected its first black president. “We’ve worked so hard for so many years,” said Miremount, “to deny [...]
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Harassing Phone Calls Linked to McCain
PHOENIX, AZ — Backers of Senator Barack Obama have been receiving anonymous phone calls, assailing them with vulgar language and crude remarks. The RNC and McCain campaign have denied any knowledge of the calls, but Senator Obama wants an investigation. Over two-hundred such calls, placed between
McCain to Enslave Poor
SUPREMECY, OH — In a last-ditch-effort to present a solution to the nation’s ailing economy, Senator John McCain today disclosed a new plan to allow small businesses to utilize the country’s poor without having to compensate them. “Small business is the backbone of America,”
McCain Interviews Writers for Concession Speech
SEDONA, AZ — John McCain is currently seeking writers for his November 4th concession speech. “It’s important to the American people that a concession speech come across as sincere to the voters and contrite to his supporters,” said Senator McCain. “I’ll be selecting from some of
McCain Gets 58% of Jowl Vote
In a natiowide survey conducted Tuesday, John McCain received the support of 58% of Americans with droopy jowls. Although McCain welcomed the poll results, he was restrained in his reaction. “I think the press puts too much emphasis on statistical groupings,” McCain told reporters. “I’ll be the
Clinton Fundraiser: Win a Date with Hillary
Senator Hillary Clinton, desperate to pay off campaign debts and stay in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination, has come up with a creative approach to campaign financing with her “Win a Date with Hillary” promotion. Donors who contribute one-hundred dollars or more are entered into
McCain Beatable by Anyone, Everyone
A poll taken in the first week of May suggests that John McCain would not only lose to either Senators Obama or Clinton if the elections were held today, but anyone else who ran against him. In a list of over one-hundred hypothetical opponents, all of them faired better than the senator from Arizona. Against
